Stupid City Names

Stupid Ways to Die Throughout the Ages

There are many ways to die. Not many of them are noble, but if you're famous or die in an especially ignobly way, then that's just kind of embarrassing. But don't worry about it, if you ever make this list you'll be dead, so you won't care.

Really Bad Tattoos

What else is there to say . . . really bad tattoos

Great White North -- Hoser Entymology

. . . and the scoop on cute tow-truck drivers

Great White North -- Viewer Mail

Episode Twelve, as in a dozen donuts.

PC vs Mac vs Linux

Linux is kinda cute.

The Liberation of Baghdad

When I was a kid at home, my parents had a couple of coffee-table art book at covered the Renaissance and adjoining periods. I sometimes spent hours just flipping through & looking at the pictures. I think what caught my attention was the composition, and the little details. I got that same feeling when I came across Sandow Birk's work. He takes these 15th-18th century masterpieces, and recasts them in modern yet powerful themes.

Speaking of little details, what's up with the two dogs going at it in the foreground? Anybody?

Snapshots from Afghanistan

My brother's in Kabul with the U.N. and working hard on building schools. Most children are still learning in tents and some in shipping containers. He's working with locals and other U.N. hired architects. He seems to have been upgraded from two to five bodyguards since the last time he sent a picture.

DRM Sucks

Fitting a Backpack

Kristin Hostetter explains all the strategies to you need to find a good-fitting backpack--from how to simulate a fully-loaded pack, to what to look for in hip belts and shoulder straps

Pictionary Drawing Contest

I was at a house party last night, and they dragged out a white-board and markers. We were going to play "Pictionary". Yeah!

Except we made up our own phrases, which made it interesting. Entrires ranged from "teacher" to "Wankel rotary engine". The engine was guessed in about five seconds. Tough crowd.

Here's my challenge to you: draw the following actual entry in last night's game. I'll post all submissions here. The best part? They actually got about 3/4's of it.

Ready?

A 3-legged bipolar giraffe with a lollipop stuck in its throat, giving birth to a gopher

Advice from an Old Man to a Young Man

From the "Best of Craigslist", advice to a young man from an old man. The best advice? "97% of all advice is worthless. Take what you can use, and trash the rest."

Great White North -- Dating Advise

Hoser gives Hosehead dating advice.

Movie Review -- 300

One Word Review: Drool

One Sentence Review: Beautifully executed juvenile male fantasy.

Buddy of mine at work & I have been planning to see this movie for a couple of months. I even took time off work so I could catch it the opening afternoon. Being guys, we never got our shit together, but I did catch it with my eighteen-year-old son that day. This isn't a date movie. I can't see many women voluntarily going to see this movie, unless she's trying to be one of the guys. Although the film does throw a couple of emotional scraps to the audience with regard to the lead female character, by way of motivation & justification for gutting a senator about three-quarters of the way through the movie.

Now, when I say "beautifully executed juvenile male fantasy", I mean that in the best possible way. Frank Miller is at the top of the graphic novel (otherwise known as "fat but expensive comic") market, and justifiably so. His hand and eye together form a perfect union of visual candy.

Like candy, however, if you eat too much you're going to get nauseous. I suppose this has partly to do with trying to faithfully execute the stunning compositions in living form. Well done. But as a story, kinda thin & clunky. Doesn't translate well from a comic to a movie. Acting ditto, kinda thin. Many lines seem to be yelled. So really, that's it. The whole movie yells at you the entire time. Plus, anybody want to guess how it ends?

I will be putting this one on my DVD shelf, for after those long days of work when I need a glass of scotch, a cigar, & a shot of testosterone to gird myself for the next day's battle. You have to be in the right frame of mind for this one.

Oh, that dancing girl? That was hot.

Movie Review -- Bridge to Terabithia

One Word Review: Sniff!

One Sentence Review: Peek back into the emotional life of children -- insightful and heavy with pathos & hope.

My wife dragged me to this movie, and I figured it was going to be one of those skanky "chick flick" that tries to play on emotions like a drunken fiddler on a Halifax Saturday night. I was wrong. It was a beautifully crafted movie, authentic and honest, painful and hopeful all at the same time. I was especially touched by the portrayal of the playground politics, and the dynamics and pain of bullying. Other reviewers have commented on what the movie says about the power of friendship, and others were moved by how tragedy brings the family closer together. I think this is a sign of a good movie, when different people get different things out of it - it has depth.

Unless you're a drunken fiddler in Halifax on a Saturday night, I'd recommend you go see this movie. Otherwise, party on!

New Glasses

Time to get some new glasses soon. Shall I go down to the local chain store again? This guy says I'm getting ripped off.

Mac Versus PC

A mildly amusing satire of the "Mac Versus PC" ads.

Great White North -- Quantum Beer Mechanics

Beer & quantum mechanics. I bet you didn't know the two are related?

Soldiers are Funny II

My brother's in Afghanistan building schools for the U.N. Every once in a while he sends me a picture or three. See if you can spot the soldier in this one:

Witness

Requirements Definition Can Be Fun

An un-named friend at an un-named company recently wrote this amusing little snippet, describing the challenge of defining & testing an anti-virus solution for a customer that doesn't know what they really want:

So I'll have the facts on paper for you by Monday, but in the meantime, we've been given a task akin to "What kind of bicycle would you recommend?" without getting to ask simple questions like: "Are you going to be racing?", "Will you be going off-road?", and "Do you have a fat ass?"

I thought it was funny. I'm sure everybody has had a customer like this...

It seems anybody can be a Jedi Knight these days...

The Widow

A successful Colorado rancher died and left everything to his devoted
wife. She was a very good-looking woman, and determined to keep the
ranch, but knew very little about ranching. So she decided to place an
ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.

Two men applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She
thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she
decided to hire the gay man, figuring it would be safer to have him
around the house than the drunk.

He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours everyday and knew
a lot about ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked hard, and the
ranch was doing very well.

Then one day, the widow said to the hired hand, "You've done a really
good job, and the ranch looks great! You should go into town and kick
up your heels."

The hired hand readily agreed and went into town the following
Saturday night. One o'clock came, and he didn't return. Two o'clock,
and still no hired hand. He finally returned around two-thirty, and
upon entering the house, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the
fireplace with a glass of wine waiting for him.

She quietly called him over to her. "Unbutton my blouse and take it
off," she said.

Trembling, he did as she directed.

"Now take off my boots."

He did as she asked, ever so slowly.

"Now take off my stockings."

He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.

"Now take off my skirt."

He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the firelight.

"Now take off my bra."

Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the
floor.

"Now," she said, "take off my panties."

By the light of the fire, he slowly pulled them down and off.

Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into
town again, you're fired."

Great White North -- Public Service Announcement

This week's show is a public service announcement.

Psst -- CBC: the cheque can actually be made out to "Bernie May". Or "Cash", either way.

Great White North -- Canadian Food History

This week, the hosers explain the history of food in Canada. Poutine seems to be a recurring theme for some reason.